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the falling-apart of things by ~otterhare:iconotterhare:



spooked by the sharpness of elbows
and the lingering copper that lines
the lace of your lungs,
they sing for the sake of bravery
raising their eyes to the tea-doily spots
of mildew and memory on the ceiling.
the butterflies are banging against
the walls of my stomach.
yours is a rollercoaster left-behind.

i am lost and anticipate
the interlocked arteries of a new map,
a new compass implanted,
a new sense of direction.
and the constant killing of things,
the wash of your statements,
the faded green marker on a
poster for peace, all dappled with
rain, the penstrokes showing like
bones through the page
continue to tell and recount
the falling-apart of things,
the inevitable crash.
©2005-2009 ~otterhare
:iconotterhare:

Author's Comments

.

Daily Deviation

Given 2005-09-04

the falling-apart of things by ~otterhare

Memories, promises, doubts of the future―subjects common enough to be accompanied by a not insignificant threat of being cliché. But it is important to realize that judgments like 'cliché' are always directed at the manner of expression; to call the subject of a poem cliché is to utter fallacy. Whether you see the prediction of a hopeful future, a pessimistic account of life and love, or some other theme living and breathing in this piece, you can be sure that it is far from being anything but inventive and original in its language and approachable but bountiful imagery. (Suggested by !inziladun and Featured by `ndifference)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconjaspin:
:hug:
I :heart: your writeing. so visual and explanitory and.... yeah ^___^;

--
-Christian-
-Wolf Lover-
-Insane Artist-
-Ninth Grader-

[link]

:mwahaha:
:iconlunapuella:
Mmm, I love your writing. It has just the right amount of metaphores.

--
With only the nightbugs to lead me home...
:iconbrokenperplexity:
i'm pretty sure that this explains my life at this exact moment.

its good.

--
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
:icondreams-2-reality:
Great selection of words used to describe.

A good ending. I like the fourth line of the first stanza =)

--
Like the stars,
Like the moon above,
I embrace everything there is.
Drifting away into the dark of the night.
Endlessly wishing to have wings to get away...
:icondraconianangel05:
Your words are absolutely perfect to describe the piece. Things falling apart indeed. I adore your description and honestly, thats what makes it work. The detailing of every line and how they flow into eachother is truly electric if you ask me. Very deserving of a DD. :)

--
Next to silence, that which expresses the inexpressible...is music.
I :heart: °jark
:iconinordinate:
Great metaphor/imagery, and as the Feature thingy suggests, an excellent shirking of possible cliche. Very nice piece.

--
Sold Under Sin
:iconfluid-motion:
This is indeed quite well done. Perfect description from ol inzil.

congratulations on the DD.

--
"The ending is brilliant. Seriously. I might get that inscribed on my casket someday so God will understand."
:iconthefalsedragon:
i like this piece but i wouldn't have thought it was a DD, congratz on making it, perhaps its a little too smart for me :lmao: i'm a little bit slow :slow:

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May 15, 2005
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